Step 11: Be Trustworthy
Matthew 5:33-37 (NIV)
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
I come from a long line of salesmen. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a salesman, but everyone who has been around the business long enough learns that there are certain tricks to the trade; things you can do to get the potential customer to trust you or feel indebted to you. You ask them to do you a favor, maybe ask for a drink of water and all of a sudden they feel a connection to you. You “find” a $20 bill on the floor and say to them “this must have fallen out of your pocket”, and now you have made them feel like they can trust you, and they are in a good mood because they are up $20. If you think this is bad, you would be horrified at how this manipulation of customers is at work all around you everyday. Billions are spent every year to figure out how to manipulate people in order to make money off of them. Everything is intentionally designed to make you addicted, get you to be unhappy with what you have or who you are, make you spend money you don’t have to buy something you don’t want to impress people who don’t care. Buy now and pay later… and boy, do we pay.
From the grocery store to social media, from the news you consume to the medications you should “ask your doctor about”; there is an algorithm designed to manipulate you into doing something that someone else wants you to do. You are being manipulated to do what you didn’t want to do just a moment ago.
Jesus is addressing the old school version of marketing and manipulation. Oaths were used to try to move people, to get you to trust them without ever doing anything to earn that trust. To manipulate you into putting your confidence in them. “I swear to God that I will do it!” The oath was the algorithm. You can’t love someone you are trying to manipulate. Love seeks what is best for the other, oaths seek to get them to do what is best for you. The problem with the salesman who uses the tricks of the trade isn’t that they are using the tricks, it's that they are using you.
Your Turn:
This week you are going to do some honest reflection about how you are using some “tricks of the trade” to manipulate the people in your life.
Modern day “tricks of the trade”:
Exaggeration - Do you ever make something seem like a bigger issue than it was? Or a smaller problem than it was? Do you try to move people into doing something or agreeing with you based on a distorted picture of something that happened? Maybe you only shared a portion of the conversation or only highlighted their bad moments and your good moments?
Pouting - Do you ever put on a case of the sulks, stick out your bottom lip ever so slightly and make puppy dog eyes? Maybe refuse to eat dinner or go to the party because you “aren’t up to it”?
Repetition - Do you keep asking over and over and over again until you get your way? Perhaps the more subtle version where you “jokingly” suggest that we should do something, and keep suggesting it, continue to repeat the “joke”?
Punishment - Do you ever punish people for not doing what you wanted them to do? Maybe give them the silent treatment? Perhaps withhold affection from them? Give them the cold shoulder?
Aggression - Do you ever just “take control” and make a decision? Control should be given, never taken, regardless of what your Enneagram number or Myers-Briggs type is. Do you ever force or push your agenda, especially among passive people who you know will back down if you do?