Step 13: Control
Matthew 5:38-42 (NIV)
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
I have often heard people discuss the classic reactions to aggression: Fight, Flight, or Freeze. As a child, I was taught that if you run away, they will come back another day. If you freeze, you are just an easy target. I was taught to fight back. Stand up to the bully. If someone hits you, hit them back, and keep hitting them so that they will never consider hitting you again. For some reason, it just never stuck with me. To be honest, I probably freeze more than anything else. It makes me feel like a coward, but everything within me just locks up and I stand there and I take it; not like a man but like a scared child.
I don’t know, I guess none of these responses seems like something that Jesus would do. Don’t get me wrong, there were times He fought back (calling the Pharisees a brood of vipers), there were times He chose flight (leaving Nazareth), and there were times He froze (as a sheep is silent before its shearers…). But they all feel different when He does it. Like there was something else He was doing in addition to them. They weren’t just reactions for Him, they were fruitful responses based on something deeper.
When my dad tried to teach me to fight, I was taught Judo, where you use the opponent’s strength and aggression against you and turn it into your strength. I think this is what Jesus was often up to and what He calls us to as well. A new response to aggression that nobody ever considered, a way of turning that aggression around. Take what was meant as an attack against you into an opportunity to surprise your attacker and take control of the situation. If someone slaps one cheek, turn the other. If someone wants to steal from you, offer them more than they sought. This is more than non-resistance, it embraces the force of the attack and turns it around. You can’t take from me what I willingly give to you. You can’t force me to do what I freely volunteer to do. So, it seems that Jesus added to fight, flight, and freeze the fourth option of self-control. By choosing self-control, He maintained control of His response and control of the situation.
Your Turn:
This week, you are invited to choose the fourth way. The way of self-control where you don’t allow others or circumstances to control how you respond to a situation.
Hopefully you won't be placed in a situation where you are feeling threatened or attacked this week, so we will use our holy imagination to prepare our hearts in the event that something does happen someday. Think of a recent situation where you felt attacked. How did you react? What would look different if you maintained self-control and were able to respond? How would you respond to diffuse the situation of aggression? How would you like to respond to these types of situations?
Practice responding instead of reacting this week. Anytime you are asked a question this week, take a moment to process before you answer the question. Take the time you need to think about your response. How would Jesus respond?
Practice the discipline of not having the last word this week, especially in any disagreements. Let the other person have the last statement.