Matthew 6:14–15 (NIV)

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 18:21–22 (NIV)

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

There is an important literary technique used throughout Scripture called a “chiasm”, named after the letter chi which looks like an X. It is where you have something in the form A-B-C-B-A. The purpose of the chiasm is to draw your attention to what is in the middle of the chiasm; it is the most important thing to understand because it is the key to understanding everything else being said. 

With Step 21, we reach the center of the chiasm in our 40-week journey with a focus on forgiveness. I am convinced that forgiveness is the key to unlocking the abundant life with God. It is the key to living free from hurt. It is the key to being able to become transformed in Christlikeness. It is the key to following Jesus. Nothing will hinder your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control like unforgiveness will. Forgiveness is the most essential discipline for those who would follow Jesus and be His disciples. Unfortunately, it is also one of the least understood and seldom practiced disciplines for most Christians. 

Let’s start with what forgiveness isn’t. 

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what they did to you was okay. If it was okay, they could be excused. It is precisely because what they did was inexcusable that forgiveness is necessary. What they did was wrong, period. 

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you should forget what they did. You can forgive someone and still have healthy boundaries in your relationship to them so that they can’t continue to harm you. That might mean not interacting with that person anymore. 

So, what does it mean to forgive? 

• Forgiveness means you choose to no longer carry the burden of judging that person for what they did to you. You have entrusted it to Jesus and can trust that He will do what is best for you and the person who wronged you.  

• Forgiveness means you are releasing the debt that is owed you from that person for what they have done. You no longer have to worry about settling accounts or balancing the scales. 

• Forgiveness means that you choose to no longer let what they did to you live rent-free in your mind. You refuse to rehearse the curse and rehash the hurt over and over again, which would only nurture anger and hatred. When the thoughts arise, you give them to Jesus, and He will gladly exchange some beauty for those ashes. 

Mistakes in walking through forgiveness:

• Don’t try to tackle massive boulders of hurt with a “hail mary” I forgive them. It won’t work. Forgiveness isn’t about saying the words. You need to break off a chunk of the boulder of hurt and forgive that piece. Then return to the boulder and continue the process of forgiving piece by piece until the boulder is small enough to forgive the rest. 

• You often can’t forgive everything in one prayer session. Forgiveness is like an onion (or a parfait. It has layers. Just take it one layer at a time. It might feel like you have forgiven it all, and then all of a sudden more comes to the surface. Don’t get frustrated; forgive 77 times if necessary. 

Your Turn:

Forgiveness isn’t a formula, but sometimes it is helpful to have some structure to help you walk through the process. Remember, it isn’t about just saying the words, but praying the words. An exchange should be occurring between you and Jesus. It should feel like letting go of something.

When praying through forgiveness, it is important to say it aloud. You need to hear it, too. 

Step 1: Jesus, can you show me who I need to forgive today? 

• People usually know the answer to this before they even ask. Ask anyway, it is a good way to invite Jesus into the process. 

Step 2: Jesus, what exactly do I need to forgive them for? I choose to forgive ________ for _______. 

• This should be very specific. Forgive them for the betrayal. Forgive them for the way they made you feel. Forgive them for the look on their face. Forgive them for the actions that they took. Remember, don’t try to forgive the boulder, break off a chunk at a time. 

Step 3: Jesus, is there anything else I need to forgive them for?

• Keep chipping away at the boulder. Usually when you start the process it will stir a bunch of other things to forgive. Just go with it until you feel like you have done everything you need to for now. 

Step 4: I choose to release ________  to You. I ask that you would meet them with your Presence and bless them today.

• This is key. This is where freedom really begins. You don’t want to hold onto it anymore. 

• If the blessing part is hard, give it time and work towards it. You want to be able to “pray for those who persecute you”. 

Step 5: Jesus, can you show me if I am believing any lies about myself from this wound? Can you show me the truth about myself?

• When others hurt us it can open the door to shame and cause us to question our identity. 

Step 6: Jesus, am I believing any lies about You from this wound? Can you show me the truth? 

• Sometimes we can adopt unforgiveness or offense towards God when something bad happens to us. He is not the author of evil; He didn’t cause this to happen to you. 

• You might know in your head that God is good, but you could be secretly holding onto a lie about Him without realizing it. 

Step 7: Jesus, thank you for your healing power of forgiveness. I choose to believe your truth and walk in the freedom you provided on the cross. I receive from you your perfect love that washes away all fear and heals all wounds. Heavenly Father, I ask that you seal this forgiveness in Jesus’ Name. 

• Be sure to not pick back up the hurt and offense you just worked so hard to release. 

• Let His love wash over you. Don’t rush this part. 

One last important note: Sometimes we build big walls around our hurt in order to protect ourselves. In that case, you might need someone to help walk you through the process of praying forgiveness. If you feel stuck when you try to forgive or if it causes you to spiral or trigger, you should reach out to an experienced spiritual advisor who can help you walk through the process or point you to a counselor to help out.